Dr. Karande cracks me up. He said, "If Bill Gates himself was funding you I wouldn't do IVF yet...unless you are feeling particularly generous and just want to donate $15,000 to me because you have it lying around." Sooooooo needless to say he wants us to try on our own for a couple cycles with heavy monitoring. Same as last month, OPK, check for ovulation, 10-12 luteal cycle check and so on. For the love of all that's holy, I wish I knew nothing of this world. I am trying to be optimistic. Cautiously optimistic. I am enthused that nothing is detrimentally wrong with us, please don't get me wrong. BUT, sometimes not having an answer can be just as powerful. There are thousands of women in this country with secondary infertility = unexplained. We are holding on to the fact that we can do this ourselves and with monitoring from the Dr., he will hopefully see if anything goes awry like last time.
Again, Gigi inspires me. I told her of the news, and she had just received good news regarding her blood clot and trying again (not 6 weeks post baby Kyle's passing!), "AMIGA! We will be pushing our strollers down the street soon together! Praise God!" This woman is in my life for a reason. I used to be the optimist. Dan said that was my most attractive feature. How do I get back to that? I can put it on for people who don't know me. It's a little song and dance number I do and damn could I earn a Tony! I would like to think I am trying. I need to find my zen, my center. It's out of whack right now and I need it back. I think as soon as I know who I am in my brain I can be "that" girl again. I want to be that girl again. I am better as that girl.
So I am going to do my yoga (because I'll be damned, it takes so much focus everything else really does leave your brain), listen to my Enya, read my Bible (lo and behold!), and concentrate on my man. Throughout everything he has been my rock. He is my best friend. He knows me better than I wish he did, more than I know myself perhaps.
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