Sometimes God whispers...and sometimes He yells

It was a very vivid dream about me being pregnant that led to me testing and finding out about the last pregnancy. I can't be regretful because without that knowledge I may not have known I was pregnant and that there is clearly something wrong with my body. I had a dream the other week that I was working at my old college radio station will all my old friends. We were our current age but still working there. It was a blast. I woke up (it was somewhere around 2 am) and told Dan, don't let me forget this dream...

Back in September, right before the first mc, I started getting my eyebrows waxed at Spa Bleu. I met Katie, who is my "waxing specialist" and we hit it off.  Laying there as she ripped my hair follicles from their comfy home, we started chatting about our lives. I was headed to work after my appointment so I was dressed in my Houlihans uniform. I laughed and told her that I was not planning on a lifetime of servitude for Houlihans but that I worked in radio for a bit but couldn't afford my rent. Dan got a job up here and since then I have been working at places I didn't love, but was good at. She mentioned that indeed she also worked in radio, at WIND. Obviously radio still doesn't pay because she is working at Spa Bleu. She gave me the contact information for her GM and said that if I am ever looking for part time work, I should contact him and drop her name. I thanked her kindly and said, right now we are focused on starting a family so I don't want to start anything new...

So I had this dream and this contact information and I forgot about it all for about a week. Dan says to me one day, "Why don't you send your resume to that radio station? I don't care how much money you make, I want you to be happy". Hmmmmm. Do I really want another part time job? Do I want to build a relationship with someone else and put energy into something else when what I truly want is a family? RACHEL WAKE UP! I can't sit and wait for life to happen my way. I have to make things happen. We are under doctor's care now and can't do anything more until my next AF starts and we begin another slew of tests. I really had nothing to lose...

Several emails to the GM later and I have an appointment to meet with the Operations Manager of this local (less than 10 miles from home!) radio station on Tuesday! Wow. If God whispers and you don't listen, He gets louder until you can't escape it. I don't know what is going to happen next week, but I know that my attitude has changed. You make your own path. You decide your fate. You have the power to choose your reaction to things that happen in life. I am thankful that Dan encouraged me to pursue this. What was really the worst that could happen? Sometimes I just need to be slapped (metaphorically of course), and I'm glad I am married to someone who can keep me accountable. Thanks baby.