Thursday, May 26, 2011

Sometimes more information is too much information

Our u/s went fine yesterday, even great, we thought. I check the results network and they have scheduled me to come in today and meet with the Dr. to discuss the 3.1mm nuchal fold that was detected on the baby. What sadistic fool left this for a pregnant woman to listen to? So here I am, googling nuchal folds at 8:00 at night freaking out because this cryptic message was left for me and I have no idea what it means. Well, it means I have a "marker" for Downs Syndrome. Again, what the hell does that mean? Why am I responsible for understanding this via a Wiki page? So after praying for peace and talking to a few people who have been in similar situations, I tried to focus on the fact that I am young, Dan and I are healthy, and this could basically mean nothing...

At the u/s today the nurse said that anything under 4 mm is usually nothing to worry about. And then she said, "Let's talk about your cervix. It's dilated, right?" Ummm no? I know nothing about my cervix. I was told nothing. Well apparently there is fluid on my cervix and it may or may not be reabsorbed into my body. And apparently I may or may not have spotting. And it may or may not be a big deal. Why the hell are you even telling me this?! If I can do nothing, and you can do nothing, then what is the point of knowing?? It's a curse and a blessing. We are so thankful to have these weekly u/s to see our baby grow since we never had the chance to see the other two. Is having all these "markers" and ambient fluid pockets worth the stress it's causing me and Dan? The Dr. said he's not worried right now. Great. Thank you. I, however, have peed my pants.

Rx: Self designated modified bed rest. What the hell else am I supposed to do?

How can something so tiny and precious have such a whirlwind effect on my soul?
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2 comments:

  1. AllieMay 26, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    So sorry to hear you are going through all of this! Are you still with Invia? Tomorrow is my last appointment and then I'm released to regular OBGYN. I'm happy and sad to be leaving them.

    I'll be keeping you and your little one in my thoughts!

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  2. ONCE upon a time....May 28, 2011 at 10:14 AM

    I remember when i found out that our quad screening came back with an increased risk for down syndrome. i was so terrified, not unlike how you are feeling now. i wondered why they would tell me this over the phone, and leave me confused, hurt, shocked, and terrified. we had the opportunity to have an amnio and if it was positive for down syndrome, to terminate the pregnancy. when i heard those words i almost slapped the nurse. HOW could someone do that?! we decided that this baby was our baby no matter what, and nothing would make us stop loving him or her. so we politely declined the amnio and just wanted an ultrasound to make sure the vital organs were fine--since heart conditions accompany down syndrome, we just wanted to be ready for whatever heart condition we would have to deal with. i tell you this not to lecture, but to share our story and give you hope. i will keep you in my prayers!

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